Giving you a royal piece of my mind...in all its glorious constructions and deconstructions. My abstract opinions can sometimes seem far out there...but, it all comes together somehow to form a beautiful view of a woman whose multiple parts manifest an artful scene.
I swear sometimes I feel psychic. You all have NO clue how often I think of something and then it happens, or shows up wherever I am. Just the other day, I wished that "A Little Princess" would come on. It's an enchanted story, set in 1954, of a little girl whose father goes off to war and leaves her in a school for girls. While there, she lives off of the adventures they've taken in their travels to India. After receiving word that her father died in the war...life becomes a little hard for her, but she gets through it by remembering what her father said, "All little girls are princesses...if you believe". Her storytelling abilities become the sunshine in the lives of a few little girls who become taken with her. It's kinda like an upscaled orphan Annie story, made in 1995. (It stars Liesel Matthews, who is also an heiress to the Hyatt Hotel fortune).
So, I wished for this movie...and VOILA...this morning, as I was searching for a movie to watch. It was there slated to air @6:45pm. Only, I didn't want miss Hancock which was coming on @7:45pm (they coincide) so I continued looking for another time it would air...and it was coming on right then.
I love this story. Here's a little girl, who was schooled in LIFE. She comes to the school, where she's supposed to take French and Latin...but she is already fluent in both. Her flair for the creative and her knowledge at such a young age makes her a target for an angry little bully...and even the head mistress. Who would think that a grown woman would hate on a child's life? But, I suppose that perhaps there are adults whose lives are shells of what they once believed or dreamed they'd be. They covet the innocence, zest and wide-eyed faith that children possess and rather than encourage or bask in it's shine...they try to beat it down...reprimanding and chastising away their hopes.
Here is one of the saddest and cruelest parts:
In this story...a father's love for his daughter and hers for him...allows a little girl the ability to exist in her own lovely state. In spite of how she begins to get treated...she still feels irrepressible hope and joy, just because her father loved her more than anything.
I just thought I'd share that. Hmmm, I've been wanting to see Joy Luck Club...you think if I wish hard enough, it'll come on?
I began talking to Ms Joyous (as I like to refer to her) over a year ago. We became friends through a mutual acquaintance and it just stuck. LOL
Truth is, the circumstances surrounding our friendship's conception was hardly smooth or cordial. Sure, we were nice to each other. I thought she was sweet and her connection with our friend was cute to me...but some misunderstandings crept in that could've ended badly. She was always so sweet though, which is so funny, because the day I spoke to her on the phone I had no clue she was gonna be so......so......NEW YORK! LOL I knew she lived in the Bronx, but...well, I just expected something different. She was full of "Yo, son's" and "Ya Heard May's" and it was too funny. What's even funnier is that she is from Alabama (can't shake that state for THIT!) and I thought she might have a little twang...yea...RIGHT! lol
LAWD, lemme tell you...she's a handful. In essence...we're complete opposites. From our signs, she Cancer...me, Capricorn...to our nature. She's a pessimist, I an optimist. She's highly sexual...I'm more conservative. And THIS one...shocked me...she's VERY sensitive and I, well...I'm sensitive as well...but, I more mental. *yall, better not touch that!*
SO, as our friendship burgeoned towards a sisterhood, we encountered some snafus but we made it out unscathed. Along the way, she brought Buttercup aka Celeste along for the ride and it was so cool that we decided to meet back in November 08. We missed a couple of dates, until we just couldn't take it. At one point or another, Joy, Celeste and I were all going through emotional situations that we felt merited some sister love. So, on December 6th, 2008...I hopped on a Metro train and went to the Bronx. Joy met me at the train station and we clicked immediately (even though she accused me of being light-skinneded...which still has YET to be proved). We shot to her place, she made me breakfast and we waited for Celeste to show. We had a BALL. We had a GREAT time and that's all I'm gonna say. *lmao*
This woman, whose love for hip hop isn't rivaled by anyone I know is a piece of work. She's a consummate Erykah Badu fan and lives by the music on her Ipod. She loves to blog and has a passion for make-up that is as strong as mine is for cooking. Give us $1000.00 and set us loose? She'll go to MAC and Sephora...I'll find Williams-Sonoma. We're both lovers of the butterfly...but for different reasons (at least it began as such). Her motto is, "Change one thing...change everything" in reference to a theory and the movie, "Butterfly Effect". I love butterflies, because although they're gorgeous and can symbolize ANY one's journey of growth. Together, we've hurt and cried...laughed and loved. We rarely miss IM sessions and try to touch base often on the phone (though she's not a phone person...girl, gimme that BB) lol. This 5'7" Alabama born beauty, has the most tender soul, which is covered by a harder shell (crab anyone?) and though she doesn't know it...my helping her through her storms, helps me as well. She hard-headed as HEYELL...but, I still love her. lol
Since initially speaking over the phone, meeting at her house and us spending a couple of weekends together since...she's surely become my sister. Now, don't get me wrong...there are several tiers to sisterhood. There's basic "we're women" sisterhood. There's "we're strong black women" sisterhood. There's "she cool as hell" sisterhood. There's "we're besties" sisterhood" and then there is "we couldn't be closer if we had the same mama" sisterhood. I have a biological sister who is like my twin...and no one can replace her and no one tries...yet, there are a few ladies who I'd ride on a fool for in a HEARTBEAT! I can truly say, Joyous...is one of them.
Happy Birthday, Joyous One...
Love, Kiwi
**you can view her blog HERE! You can follow her on Twitter HERE**
there's this bluff high and lofty looks over vast ranges of promise i've been here before breath taken away by the altitude heart racing with fearful glee wondering... when one is standing where i stand now... do they jump? to own wings briefly or does one stand in awe of the sky's infinity? how, while standing here on the crags of jagged dreams does one begin to grasp the next move doesn't reaching the pinnacle mean the world? how do you decide on whether to stay here... on the precipice of awe in the presence of life knowing that... remaining here...(while a beautiful plateau) means being still no forward movement just feet planted looking up at the universe's offering the intense feeling of the climb peering down at travels past below... wondering... how do i stop bluffing... and move?
My mother and I were out running errands the other day. She had on a yet to be released CD by Kirk Whalum. The Gospel According to Jazz 3 is a must have. One of my faves is the piano rendition of Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me" with George Duke on piano...but, I digress. LOL
Kirk was speaking to the audience (it's a live CD with a DVD companion) and was telling everyone about his dad who at the time was still alive, but sick and making his transition. He said something that sparked this blog. He said, "My brothers and I and our wives..."
"OUR wives..."
I said to my mother, I love that...I love that when all the men in the family are married and there is a legacy of marriage. She said that it was indeed THAT reason...why it may work for them. They've known nothing BUT marriage in their family. Now, don't get me wrong...there are people who have not seen an example of marriage and/or healthy relationships, and they've found happiness. Yet, what did they go through in order to find that place of peace? What I believe to be a great truth is that those shown healthy and I repeat...HEALTHY relationships and marriages lean more toward finding themselves married more contently. Just like a child needs two parents...they need to see their parents (or some semblance of it) interacting in a functional partnership of matrimony in order for them to navigate through the trials of being a couple. You learn behavior that is exampled...even if only from a mentor. For instance...my cousin has become his pastor's honorary 4th child. The pastor has been married to his wife for long over 20yrs and have 3 productive children. My cousin befriended his eldest son when they were younger and have been roll dogs ever since. Seeing their example of family, "I" believe is the reason my cousin wanted to go to school...and why now he is striving to be a minister (even though he's loved church since before he even knew this family)...but, again...SEEING it and knowing its possible are two different things.
My uncles are married. I have 3 on my mother's side and 1 on my father's side. My uncle on my dad's side married finally 7 years ago...but, by then he'd done all a man could do and more. My mom and dad were never married and not so sure either of them are worried about that now. The three uncles on my mom's side are married and have been married for several years. My oldest uncle has been married for over 20yrs...to his 3rd wife. My other two uncles were married the same year 2 months apart. They're still with their wives even with all they've been through since. Yet, I noticed...the women in my family aren't married...or in serious relationships for that matter. On my maternal side, my grandmother was never married, but her sisters were...and their children were. MY grandmother's daughters and granddaughters have yet to find that to even be a possibility as of yet. On my paternal side...my grandmother was married to my grandfather, until they divorced before I was even born. She's yet to be "seen" with a man. *laughing at my grandma*
I wonder how it is that the MEN found a legacy of marriage in a family where there was no example of relationships...yet the women have not. I would love to see someone's take on it.
Today is my little Pufnstuf's 2nd birthday. He was born early...2 whole months early. His mom was supposed to be on bed rest, but the bills demanded that she work. My godson Syre Christopher was brought into the world and became a ray of sunshine for all who love him.
He endured a couple of surgeries and a couple of months in the hospital. When he came home from the hospital, his mom and dad rented a limo to bring the little star home. He was so small...but so strong. I saw him in the hospital. I saw him a month after his trip home...and then again a few months later for his 1st Christmas. A whole year went by without seeing him. I saw him again on Christmas of 2008. We saw him frequently into the New Year, and then his mom asked for my help. It was then...about 2 days after my birthday...that I returned home with her and Syre. I stayed in DC for 2 months caring for him, waking up with him everyday.
That little boy is a TRIP. I'd wake up and he'd be standing over me like 3am smiling. He has a sense of humor to rival some adults. He knows EXACTLY when he's being funny. Take that picture up there. It's one of my faves. His mom and I were talking, just gabbing along...both of us on our laptops...when we looked up and he had on her new beret. He had it tilted right and everything, with this smirk on his face like, "Am I funny...huh?" Of course Auntie had to flip out the camera phone and take pics. Too hilarious for words. There were so many more moments like those. I got to bond with him, teach him...and in the interim...learn from him as well.
I miss him like crazy. Happy Birthday, Syre. Godmommy loves you.
I just wanted to come through and say Happy Mother's Day. I don't care if you've never carried a child in your life...if you've ever loved someone with the unconditional, unwavering strong love of a mother...then you too, have mothered.
This year, I got to spend a lot of time with my godson and he taught me so much about love, patience, consistency and how to be real (kids can see right through you).
I feel sincerely blessed to have him, whether I ever have a child of my own or not.
Remember to take your reverence of mom all through the year. But, then...that's how we should treat EVERYONE. No occasional commercial holiday should be the standard for how we treat our loved ones. Each day should be cherished and beheld within our hearts...giving what love we have to those around us.
Restraining order...court appointed psych test...supervised visits...physical abuse...using child as pawn to manipulate the situation.
What am I talking about? BULLSHIT...PURE unadulterated, nonsensical, unnecessary bullshit.
I know a dude who has been separated from his wife for 2 years. In that time...all of those legal terms above have been used against him. In SPITE of his wife's incessant emotional and psychological torment...he wanted to reunite. He did everything she asked to prove himself. She lied to the courts and said he was a danger to himself, he had threatened suicide and that she was afraid for her son's safety with him. The courts made him take a psych test...which he passed. Unfortunately, he was appointed supervised visitations...meaning if he sees his kid...he has to see her too. THEN, when he finds someone else...moves on, files for divorce due to abandonment...she becomes this maniac, stalking him and the girl...showing up at his house at inordinate times of the day or night. Going from Ms Bitch on Wheels, to Merriest Homemaker. TELL me that's not the craziest shit?
I personally feel like she is wielding her power...recklessly I might add. She's already taken dude to the cleaners (because since he isn't divorced his income still gets allotted to the household). She's controlling when he sees his son...if at all. She knows his family has an open-door policy...so she comes in and out freely now that she suspects she is losing control over him. All of this is because he's chosen to go through with the divorce she never thought he'd ask for. She is confrontational...looking for reasons to get into it with him and his new interest...yet, throughout the marriage (of 8yrs) she's been openly disrespectful...allowing men to challenge her husband's position...leading him to believing strongly that she's been sleeping with at least ONE person. SO...wtf?
THIS is why I say, when you're in a situation that is drawn out like psychological/emotional warfare between you and an ex-spouse/lover (esp. one that is headed to court) you should DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Like a journal. Every time something happens out of the ordinary or out of that person's character....or just an unstable behavioral pattern...write it down.
The judge WILL look at all inconsistent activity. If a person is saying in court, "Your Honor...this person is harassing me"...but the records point towards mental game playing and THAT person initiating conflict...esp. ones that led to filing of false reports...the judge will not take kindly to that.
Basically, you have to be willing to take certain things into your own hands. If you allow for a person to think that just because they're not being watched by an officer of the court...that they can do malicious things to you...they will continue to do so. You have to be proactive with 3 major things in life...education, medical doctors, and the law. Not only will the courts possibly see a factor that isn't visible to the naked eye...but they will respect the process. The time and energy you took to build a case and come full throttle in the courtroom, instead of half-assing and playing tiddlywinks on the taxpayer's dollars. An organized case makes for speedy decision making. I think it is time well spent...especially where children are involved.
I am a woman whose main purpose in life is to love. I am big on love. Loving those who don't feel loved, believe in love or know what love is. I am a friend, a sister, a daughter and a child of God. Not religious...just spiritual. No judgments here...just real talk.
